Learning to Really Listen
It’s pretty easy to tell when someone is truly listening to you and when they’re just mindlessly nodding their head, throwing in an occasional “mm, hmm” and eagerly waiting for their chance to talk. That’s why learning to listen – to
really listen – is a powerful life skill that will make you a better friend, relative, employee and communicator. Whether you’re on the phone or in person, give whoever you’re listening to your full attention. This isn’t always easy in a busy world, but if you can make eye contact or set whatever else you’re working on down, you will be able to focus more and listen better. Focus more on what the other person is saying than on what you’re going to say in return. And listen to more than just words – hear the other person’s tone, mood, energy and intent in their words. Give encouragement – nodding your head, keeping an open posture, smiling and making eye contact, when possible.
It’s ok to allow for some silence. You don’t have to fill every second of silence with chatter. Listening involves some time to concentrate and absorb. When you do respond, feel free to repeat back some of what you heard, making sure that the communication was clear. Ask questions that show that reflect your knowledge and interest. The word “so” can be very effective: “So what you’re saying is…” Listening is about hearing, not judging, so try to avoid making judgments, nterruptions or assumptions. Learning to listen, like learning to talk as a child, takes time. But if you put down your phone, put down your to-do list and put down your agenda, you will be able to hear and listen more clearly, an incredibly powerful gift that you can give anyone who you spend time with.
