Helping Your First-Born Adjust to a New Sibling
If you are expecting your second child and haven’t told your firstborn yet, sooner is generally better than later. Some kids handle this transition with ease and grace—welcoming baby with open arms—while some struggle and regress. Both reactions are normal.
If your family will be growing in the near future, here are some tips to help your firstborn welcome your second baby home:
- Talk about baby ahead of time, but not all the time. Let big brother or sister know what’s coming, but also continue to make special time for your firstborn. If your child will need to move out of a crib or room, do so well ahead of the baby’s birth to allow time for adjustment (same thing goes with potty training or other big moves—avoid such transitions too close to baby’s arrival). There are lots of books about welcoming a new sibling, however, some of them focus more on the potential conflict than the potential joy of being an older sibling. Try to keep the messages positive.
- Teach and show appropriate touch and interaction. Not all older children recognize their strength, so it is important to protect your baby by teaching older children how to interact and play appropriately. Encourage soft touch and gentle play; it is ok to hover until you are confident that your eldest understands how to interact safely with the baby.
- Ask your firstborn’s advice and offer special jobs. While you don’t need to let your oldest choose your baby’s name, for example, you can let them choose a story, song or onesie. Likewise, tasks such as bringing you diapers or singing to the baby can make your eldest feel special and needed.
- Continue alone time with your oldest. While this may be challenging during the early days when your new baby needs regular food and comfort, even spending an hour with your oldest while your baby naps can be very meaningful. Let your firstborn know how special he or she will always be.
- Honor all of the emotions. Your firstborn might swing from delight to anger to frustration in the span of a couple minutes. Acknowledge whatever they are feeling and listen with open ears.
“Big sisters and brothers are such amazing helpers and role models in a family,” said Dr. Amy Hammers. “There will definitely be some extra chaos when baby comes home, but there will also be more love, more personality and more fun in your home as well.”
